Screwed.edu
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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