I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
