Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
