dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
