ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
