Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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