there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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