I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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