Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
