I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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