My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
