I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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