Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
