In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize