she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize