We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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