kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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