i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
