me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
