I think I won the penis lottery.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
