he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
