saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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