Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
