I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
