So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
