Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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