i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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