shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
