Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
