yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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