Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
