I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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