Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
