ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
