Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize