He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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