My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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