Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
