i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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