There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
