I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
