im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
