Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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