I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
