did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So. Much. Porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
