Kareoke will never be a sober sport
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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