I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
