Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
