How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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