Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize