what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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