The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
