I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
