I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
