I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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