I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
