if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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