He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
should my penis look like a turkey
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
