He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
