Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
