I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
how drunk are you?
Several
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
