i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
