Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize