you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
