I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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