so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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