Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I came so hard my ears popped.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
