I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have fence marks all over my body
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
