did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
