I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
