I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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