So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
