so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
