Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
