I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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