people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize