ya dads aren't the best wingmen
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
