Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
