he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
