guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
