Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
