she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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