i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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