Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
