Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
