Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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