dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
