Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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