You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
