I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
