As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
