i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
