Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize