you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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