i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
