before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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