He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
