My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The maid of honor just puked.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
