i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
