i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
