is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
