We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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