I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
