Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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