His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
