Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
