You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
