Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
