You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
