six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
