On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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