Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
